Ebook Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders, by Mary Pipher
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Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders, by Mary Pipher
Ebook Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders, by Mary Pipher
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Amazon.com Review
Mary Pipher, author of the bestselling and groundbreaking Reviving Ophelia, which charts the troubled passage of girls into adolescence, has nimbly covered yet another psychological passage: that into old age, which May Sarton called "a foreign country." Pipher reveals that the greatest shame for today's elders--most of whom survived the Depression--is not being self-sufficient. The majority of them stoically prefer to keep their feelings to themselves, and this is why it's so difficult to convince older parents to accept or even discuss such issues as physical and mental health, finances, eldercare, or living wills. This directly conflicts with the openness of their children, who grew up in the era of "free love" and were influenced by society (and the advent of psychology in the 1950s and popularization of therapy) to talk frankly about emotions. While a boomer can easily talk with a friend about marriage difficulties or even surgery, an elder is likely to find admitting such "weaknesses" abhorrent. Another Country includes excerpts of sessions with dozens of Pipher's psychology patients, interspersed with not-so-obvious advice for sensitively communicating with the elderly. Some interviews are grim: one woman hallucinated that rodents were running through her house; she was so desperate for company from her family, but too proud to ask them to stop by, that she invented her own visitors. But the breakthroughs in communication Pipher is able to accomplish, sometimes with the help of grandchildren as intermediaries, are startling and thoroughly encouraging. (For example, the animals the woman was imagining disappeared after she received company regularly.) Pipher cared for her dying mother for a "horrid," guilt-filled year while this book was being written and says that she wanted "to help others in my situation feel less alone." She also aims to help each generation understand the other. In these goals she's succeeded brilliantly. Any adult struggling with issues with their parents, especially mortality, will find Another Country an indispensable source of suggestions and support. --Erica Jorgensen
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From Publishers Weekly
Older men and women, as well as their children and grandchildren, will find this well-written and sensitive investigation of aging both enlightening and engrossing. Because the death of her mother was so traumatic, Pipher, a psychologist and the author of Reviving Ophelia, was motivated to study the aging process in order to promote meaningful connections between the generations and more cultural support for pursuing them. She provides a wealth of anecdotal information about the problems of growing older, drawing on interviews and her own therapeutic work with predominately middle-class white and black Midwestern Americans in their 70s, 80s and 90s, as well as their children. Pipher contends that a variety of cultural trends are responsible for there being so many isolated old people today: a movement away from communal to individualistic ideals; the generation gap between baby boomers and their aging parents; the lack of organized support for the care of the elderly. As she relates the stories of those she has met and counseled, Pipher describes strategies for dealing with illness, physical decline, the death of a husband or wife and the emotional problems that arise for both the elderly and their families. She emphasizes the importance of intergenerational contacts, the benefit of giving older people freedom to make their own choices and her resolute belief that families can fortify the honesty and love they share through involvement in a dying parent's final months. One of the strengths of this excellent study is that Pipher includes examples of troubled as well as rewarding marital and parent/child relationships. Agent, Susan Lee Cohen at Riverside Literary Agency. Author tour. Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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Product details
Hardcover: 328 pages
Publisher: Riverhead Books; 1 edition (March 15, 1999)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1573221295
ISBN-13: 978-1573221290
Product Dimensions:
6.4 x 1.1 x 9.3 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
69 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#59,704 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Another Country is an outstanding, valuable book for anyone who is concerned about parents or grandparents who are aging and need help. The book is beautifully written - it's a New York Times best seller. Pipher, a clinical psychologist, is knowledgeable about seniors and researched this subject extensively. She comments on the fact that our culture has changed dramatically - people are living longer yet our culture worships youth; families live at great distances from each other leaving grandparents isolated and alone.Pipher offers many vignettes of adult children and their aging parents. Some of these stories demonstrate the helpfulness of a counselor in thinking through tough family decisions and in solving contentious family relationships.Pipher invites us to overcome our aversion to thinking and talking about death and helps us understand elders. She says adult children live in "different time zones" from their parents and this causes difficulty understanding each other. Throughout the book she emphasizes the need for intergenerational community and offers ways to implement this. There is a wealth of information here for all generations to learn from and put to use in their relationships with each other. It is also a delightful book to read.
This book is for anyone who is curious about how different cultures age. More importantly, it opens our eyes to why certain habits and beliefs are products of when we were born and what is going on in the world as we grow up. This book allows one to take a step back from the entangled relationships we sometimes have with our parents, siblings, and people of cultures different from our own. It delves into why "The old don't want to be dependent in our dependent phobic culture." vs other cultures which embrace and respect the wisdom of the elderly. America has become a fast-paced, technologically-focused culture. It is for the youth of today who become the elderly of tomorrow. A well-written book that will open your eyes and your hearts to being more appreciative for the wealth of experiences and accumulative knowledge our aging society has lived.
I feel I owe large debt of thanks to Another Country.It's been years since I've taken a highlighter pen to a book (college!), but this one has already taught me many ways to rethink my relationship with my parents as they age. The case studies and explanations reflect a lot of what I've been feeling. I believe I can refer back to them often for help and guidance. Mary Pipher's done for caregivers what she accomplished for adolescent girls in "Reviving Ophelia," and has my utmost respect as a writer and as a person.I guess I'm writing this as the voice of at least one more person who is definitely dealing with intergenerational problems. Elder care is as much of a family issue as child care--if not more so, since everyone has parents and not everyone chooses to have children. It's nice to know we're not alone.
Real concerns of elderly people are described and addressed, based on clinical experience. Shortage of real studies of aging issues is noted, not many solutions proposed. Therapists are useless to elderly folks unless they have had experience and training---which is lacking in all venues. Amazing and callous that no org., not even AARP, is trying to bring counselors for elders up to speed.
Everyone should read this. If you are getting ready to possibly care for an elder, or you are a thirty something who would appreciate some guidance on what to expect with your parents who are probably entering the early stages of being elderly. It will make you cry and laugh. I absolutely loved her writing style. It had clinical evaluations but read like a novel.
Fascinating, hopeful, and informative, Ms. Pipher has done it again. Writing about a complicated and often difficult stage in life, I read this for my relatives and, ultimately, for myself and what to expect if I live long enough. A must-read for anyone care-giving an elder or who happens to be an elder themselves. With a language and world all its own, aging is now less of a mystery to this reader.
This book was a requirement for my class "Working With The Elders." As a child growing up in the south I could relate to many of the author'swriting and experiences. Mary Pipher interviewed many of the persons she mention in her book. This is a must read book.
I like it, yes and no. Could only read the first part -- which seemed researched and accurate -- but too depressing for what's going to happen to most older people. I guess I'll just wait til it happens and not get myself upset ahead of time. As my daughter says, "Wait to worry."
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